


For Old Times' Sake

by fortunata13



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Angst, F/F, Humor, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunata13/pseuds/fortunata13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU you in which old lovers with a whole lot of unfinished business reunite. Angst, feelings, sex, humor and romance ensue. If you survive the avalanche of angst you'll eventually get to the other stuff. It's there, I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Old Times' Sake

**Author's Note:**

> My beta is on vacation. I take full responsibility for any and all crimes committed against the English language in this FIC.

It’s another late night at the office for Kahlan. While it usually bothers her, tonight she welcomes it. She and Richard have been at each other's throats for days and she needs some space, some room to breathe. Aside from the small lamp on her desk, all the lights are off, and the moon shining through the large window behind her desk casts a warm glow. She can hear the faint melody of a familiar song at a distance but it’s too far away, she can’t quite make it out. It seems important somehow, almost is if identifying it will fix things, so many things that need fixing. She spins her chair around, props her feet up on the windowsill and watches as raindrops trickle down the pane of glass that separates her from the world. She isn’t working, not really, she just doesn’t want to go home.

It’s been unseasonably cold and she hasn’t seen the sun for weeks. The streets of this neighborhood are usually bustling with activity, even at this late hour, but the restaurants and bars are all empty –their clientele foregoing the nightlife for warmth and comfort. It feels almost as if the world is mirroring the way she feels, empty and cold and dark. When did she become this person she wonders to herself. She has a good life, it’s undeniable; a successful career, a beautiful little girl, good friends, yet this emptiness, it never leaves her. She spends far too many nights alone in the dark hoping that one of these days life will make sense again.

The sound of the elevator doors opening on her floor startles her out of her thoughts. She spins around to face the door and waits, a hand resting on the gun she keeps in her garter. It’s too late for even the janitorial staff too be in the building. After what seems like a lifetime the knock comes. She closes her eyes and swallows hard. She knows who’s on the other side the minute bare knuckles make contact with the door. It’s a distinctive knock that she lived for, once upon a time.

“Come in,” she says, still sitting behind her desk and doing her best to keep her voice steady. It’s been almost six years since the last time she’d seen her.

“Hey.” Her hands are in her pocket and tiny drops of rain glisten in her hair, she’s shivering a bit. She’s still beautiful, Kahlan thinks to herself, so beautiful.

“Cara, this is a surprise.” Kahlan is doing her best to sound casual but her hands are trembling and her breath is much too shallow. “Sit, please. What brings you to Aydindril after all this time?”

“I…I need to know if you ever think about it.” Cara’s never been one for platitudes or idle conversation. She pauses for a moment to gather herself. “I do, I think about it, Kahlan, and I need to know if it was all in my head because I don’t think it was, see.”

Kahlan slumps back in her chair. She’s spent the past six years wondering if this moment would ever come, the two of them face to face like this, talking about old times. “I think about it everyday.” Kahlan replies, as one of the corners of her mouth curls up into a sad smile. She gets up from behind her desk, taking Cara by the hand, “Come on,” she says, “I think we could both use a drink.”

They cross the street hand in hand and settle into a booth tucked away in the darkest corner of the small bar across the street from Kahlan’s office. When the waiter walks over Kahlan orders a beer, and Cara a vodka tonic.

“What?” Cara asks, noticing the smile on Kahlan’s face.

Reaching across the table, she tucks a lock of hair behind Cara’s ear, her thumb caressing her cheek for a long moment. “You were only eighteen, too young to drink back then, and so sweet. You were a baby, Cara, I should have walked away.” She shakes her head as she says it.

“I was two months shy of my nineteenth birthday and far more experienced with women than you were. Besides, I came on to you, remember?” She says it with a smug smirk on her face. All the while she’s stroking Kahlan’s hand.

“That you did,” Kahlan acknowledges, while gesturing to the waiter for another round of drinks. “You know, I used to think we would wind up together. That’s how I got through the wedding. I kept telling myself that it was my destiny to be with you.” She reaches over and drinks Cara’s shot, grimacing at the taste of it. “It’s no wonder I’m the world’s worst wife.” Cara’s eyes widened and they both laugh. “Don’t laugh, it’s the truth. Richard tells me all the time and I can’t even begin to deny it.” Kahlan tries to recall the last time she heard the sound of her own laughter, but she can’t. “I am a great mom, or at least that’s what my four year old claims.”

“Yes, your little girl, she must be beautiful. Spirits, she’s your daughter and I don’t even know her name.” Cara looks away as she speaks. It hurts, everything about Kahlan hurts, and yet here she is.

Kahlan can see it, the pain in her eyes and it breaks her heart all over again. “Her name is Adia.” She says, instantly realizing it is also the name of the song she couldn’t quite make out earlier, the song she named her daughter after. “One look at her and all my troubles melt away. I don’t know how I would manage without her.” They sit in silence for a few minutes. None of this seems real to either of them, except maybe the space between them. That feels all too real. “How about you? I’ve seen you in a lot of magazines lately; usually at parties where you shouldn’t have been.” She trails off, taking another sip of her beer. “Always with that actress, the one that you’re…what is it that they call it these days…guarding, is it? I’m sure the job comes with a slew of ancillary benefits.” Her words are dripping with bitterness that she knows she has no right to feel, let alone express.

Cara isn’t surprised by Kahlan’s not so subtle accusation. “Jealous, are we?”

“At the sight of you hanging on the arm of someone else? Very.” She’s dead serious and Cara know’s it. Somethings never change, Cara thinks to herself.

“I see your possessive streak is still live and well.” Cara says, with a hint of a smile on her face. She still remembers several occasions on which Kahlan’s over reaction to a seductive glance in Cara’s direction, or something equally innocuous, nearly culminated in an all out barroom brawl. Cara was her’s back then, and anyone who made the mistake of thinking otherwise was guaranteed to feel her raft.

“It’s still only you who brings it out in me.” She looks into Cara’s eyes for several seconds as if trying to convey something, something that’s just beyond language. Because words can’t possibly hold this level of emotion, can’t begin to carry the weight of it. She shuts her eyes in an effort to push back the tears that threaten to pour out of her. In less than a breath, Cara slides next to her in the booth and kisses her. Kahlan whimpers and pulls her closer. “Spirits, I’ve missed you.” She sighs out when their lips part, each of her hands on one of Cara’s cheeks and their foreheads pressed together.

It’s Cara who pulls away first. “I’m sorry, I–” she trails off. Kahlan’s fingers press against her lips and she shakes her head. Cara pulls out several bills and places them on the table. “We probably should go.”

“Where’re we going?” Kahlan asks, once they are outside.

Cara presses their bodies together, Kahlan’s back flush to the wall, shielding her from the rain. “Anywhere in the world that you’d like.” Cara murmurs in to her ear.

“Come back upstairs with me.” She says, taking Cara by the hand.

Once they’re in the office Kahlan leads her to the sofa across from the window, the one she often sleeps on when the thought of going home is too much for her. She curls up in Cara’s arms before speaking. “So I’ve had two beers and a shot of vodka which, correct me if I’m wrong, I think is enough alcohol to keep you from thinking any less of me if I happen to make a fool of myself.”

“I’ve been trying to think less of you for the past six years, and haven’t managed to, so you’re fine. I’ll keep thinking of you every minute of the day, as I have for years.” She kisses Kahlan on the temple. Kahlan smiles, appreciating Cara’s reinterpretation of her words.

Kahlan fidgets a bit, her nerves getting the best of her. “I’m still in love with you.” She kisses Cara’s eyelids and the corner of her mouth.

Cara grabs her by the shoulders and turns her so that they are facing each other. “If you loved me, then why, Kahlan? Why did you go through with it?” A tear is running down her face and Kahlan has to look away.

She walks over to the window. This is the hard part, this is the part that even she doesn’t understand. “I was twenty-two years old, he was my boyfriend since the seventh grade, Cara. We’d mapped out our entire lives. Then there you were, Richard’s best friend, and the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I don’t know why I went through with it. Spirits, Cara, the heartache over you, I live with it every day.” She walks back over and sits at the opposite side of the sofa. She needs the distance, she can’t do this without the distance. “I hate myself for it but I don’t regret it, I can’t. Because that would be regretting my little girl, and what would that make me? What kind of a person would I be?” Cara moves closer so that she can hold her. She’s upset and Cara can’t bare seeing her like this, it’s too much.

“We don’t have to talk about this, Kahlan. It’s over.” Her arms are wrapped around her and she’d do anything to make it stop, to make all the sadness go away.

“No, I want to, it’s important because I do have regrets. I regret that I hurt you and that what happened between us ruined your friendship with Richard. I regret that you were alone after that, that I abandoned you. I regret hurting Richard. I–“ Cara cuts her off before she can continue to drift into years of self-loathing.

“I need you to listen to me, Kahlan,” she says, cupping Kahlan’s cheeks with her hands, “I don’t regret any of it, not a single moment of it. Even knowing how it ends, I’d still do it again. You made me happier than I ever thought possible, and you made me feel loved, and for those few months, you gave me a home. I don’t regret it, Kahlan, and I never will.” They are holding each other and it feels good, almost peaceful. “What you said about being in love with me, I’ve been in love with you since I was eight. Do you remember? Before they sent me away, you and Richard were doing homework together at his house while I pestered you both. You were the prettiest girl in the world and you kissed me on the cheek. Right then and there, I was a goner. I’ve been your’s ever since.”

“Of course I remember, you were adorable and so tiny. I have to say, when Richard asked me to pick you up at the airport ten years later, I wasn’t prepared for the breathtakingly beautiful woman you’d grown into.”

She remembers everything about that day, they both do. Cara’s hair was longer then and she was all teenage girl swagger and cockiness. Kahlan had just graduated from college and would start grad school in a few months. Richard, who took a job after graduation, asked her to pick up his best friend, Cara, at the airport. She was going to be his best woman at the wedding.

“You didn’t kiss me this time.” Cara said, once her luggage was in the trunk and the engine was running. Kahlan furrowed her brow, thrown off by the remark. Especially because at the very moment she said it, Kahlan had been wondering if those pouty lips tasted as good as they looked. “The first time we met,” Cara clarified for her, “you kissed me on the cheek. I can’t believe you don’t remember. I didn’t wash my face for an entire week and you forgot?” She played the injured party to perfection.

At the next stop light Kahlan leaned in and kissed her, only it was on the corner of her mouth, not on the cheek. “Is that better?” It caught Cara off guard, Kahlan was thrilled by the effect it had on her. “Are you okay? You seem a little flushed.” She had a self-satisfied smile on her face, loving this small victory over the cocky young girl.

When she composed herself, Cara suggested that instead of going straight to Richard’s they have lunch first; Kahlan agreed without hesitation. Lunch somehow stretched past dinner, and then a dessert run followed. It became painfully obvious that they didn’t want the evening to end. As a last resort, Kahlan suggested they take a drive so that Cara could get reacquainted with the city. They listened to music as Kahlan pointed out the many changes that had taken place over the years. She finally parked the car on an obscure road that ended at the edge of a cliff from which they could see all of Aydindril.

“You’re cold,” Kahlan said, when she noticed Cara was shivering. “All that time in D’Hara must have thinned your blood,” she teased, “wait here.” Kahlan walked over to the car and pulled a blanket out of the trunk. When she returned, she sat on the ground and motioned so that Cara sat between, her legs, “This way I can keep you nice and warm.” She said, as she wrapped the blanket around them and encircled her arms around Cara’s waist. They sat like that, there bodies pressed together, in complete silence for hours. Kahlan smiled as she took in the scent of vanilla in Cara’s hair. They watched as the sun set over the city. Kahlan decided that this was the best night of her life.

It was almost dawn when she parked outside of Richard’s house. Perhaps it was the way the moon lit her eyes, or the smell of the night air, or that Sarah McLachlan song playing on the radio ––the one after which, years later, she would name her daughter, the one that would always remind her of Cara–– and when Cara leaned in to whisper in her ear, it was already too late to stop. “Maybe instead of leaving me here you should take me home with you.” The way she said it, with so much passion and intensity, made Kahlan a little lightheaded. “I think we should be lovers because you’re as beautiful and delicate as snow, but nothing would be more beautiful or more delicate than me on top of you.” Kahlan looked into her eyes for a long moment, finding in them everything she’d ever wanted. She shifted into first gear and released the clutch. Just as the sun was rising over the horizon, Kahlan cried out Cara’s name in ecstasy.

“We where so young back then.” Kahlan says. “And I was so joyful, and full of hope. Holding you in my arms,” she closes her eyes for a moment, “it was like a miracle. Loving you was so easy, so pure, and the way you smiled every time I walked in the room, the sparkle in your eyes…” She trails off, and Cara pulls her closer, kissing her, deep and slow.

“I’m sorry I ruined your wedding.” Cara says, recalling the moment she realized that Richard was standing at the door while she begged Kahlan to run away with her, minutes before the wedding. Richard shoved her out of the room and shut the door. She could hear Kahlan pleading with him, her sobs, her apologies. Although over an hour late, the wedding went on. It was the worse day of all three of their lives.

“Cara, my wedding was ruined the moment we walked hand in hand into my bedroom and made love.” She says, as she runs her fingers through Cara’s hair. “It was the best night of my life and I don’t regret it either.”

“Everything fell apart for me after the wedding. I was lost without you and Richard.” She glances toward the window as all the images of that day replay in her head.

“And there was Leo, waiting with open arms.” Kahlan tries her best not to sound bitter but she can’t managed it. She’s tried for years to be grateful that he gathered the shattered pieces of Cara, after she broke her, but she couldn’t do it. It’s petty and unfair but she’ll always hates him.

“He had a knight in shining armor complex, and I was definitely in distress…I latched on to him for dear life. I didn’t lie to him, I told him I could never love him. Eventually, he figured out it was the truth and he moved on.” She still remembers the emptiness she felt after having sex with him. It’s almost as if she lost a part of herself that night, a vital part that she’s never been able to get back. “He got me out of Aydindril…I’d probably be dead if he hadn’t.”

Kahlan’s own life was such a mess after the wedding that, aside from the rage and despair she felt when she found out that Cara left Aydindril on the back of Leo’s motorcycle, she never stopped to consider that Cara didn’t even have a place to live, that she didn’t really know anyone in the city, that she was a nineteen year old girl, all alone in the world.

“The actress, is she good to you?” Kahlan asks, tracing her finger from Cara’s brow to her jawline.

“Kahlan, she means nothing to me. No one other than you ever has.” Kahlan’s jealousy is mystifying to her. That for a single second she thinks that anyone else could matter to her is laughable.

“I’m in love with you, Cara, that will never change. And, don’t ask me how, but in my heart I still believe we’ll wind up together.” She’s pressing her nose into Cara’s hair and smiles at the hint of vanilla she remembers so well. “But I see it so clearly now, you and I, we’re not living, Cara. And maybe it’s time we let each other go, that we make peace with those two young girls sitting on the edge of a cliff six years ago.” Tears are rolling down her cheeks while she speaks. “You’ll still be the most beautiful, perfect part of me and I’ll still think about you everyday. But maybe if we let each other go, I won’t be the worse wife in the world anymore ––I doubt it but it is possible– and maybe if you stop punishing the actress for not being me, she’ll turn out to be a nice person. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll hate her anyway, but maybe she’s not so bad.”

Cara is doing the best that she can, but she’s falling apart because Kahlan is asking her to do the one thing in the world that she’s terrified of doing. All she’s done for the past six years is hold on to her, hold on to those few months they shared, and the idea of letting go feels like dying. Then she can’t hold the tears back anymore and she’s sobbing into Kahlan’s hair like a small child.

“I know how much it hurts and how scary it is but we can’t live like this, baby, it’s killing us both. I’ve been doing it too, Cara, refusing to let you go, but I see it now, I see what it’s doing to us.” Cara knows that she’s right but it only makes her want to hold on tighter, to cling to her as if she were the only thing keeping her from going over the edge of that very cliff where they fell in love.

“Please understand, Cara, it won’t change anything, by the Creator, I swear it won’t. We’ll just stop punishing ourselves, and making everyone around us miserable. I’ll still be yours and you’ll still be mine, that won’t ever change. And you’ll always be the first person I think about when I open my eyes in the morning but maybe in won’t make me feel like crying, maybe I’ll smile at the thought of you instead.” She knows she’s rambling but it’s so hard to feel so much for so long, and seeing Cara like this is tearing her to pieces. “And, hey,” she says between sobs, “we can try it, and if it doesn’t work out for us we can always go back to making everybody miserable.” She lifts Cara’s chin and wipes the tears away with a tissue. “I love you so much, Cara.”

They stay like that for hours, curled up in a corner of the sofa holding each other until the tears subside. Kahlan kisses her on the forehead and finally breaks the silence. “Where are you staying, love?” She asks, realizing that it’s late into the night.

“I…I don’t know. I got in the car a few days ago and ended up here. When I saw your light on I decided to come up. I didn’t even pack a bag.” Her voice is heavy with sleep and her eyes are red from all the crying but she’s calmer than earlier.

“What am I going to do with you, Cara?” Kahlan asks, tilting her head to one side. She’s stares into Cara’s eyes trying to decide, trying to make up her mind before she speaks. “Whatever we lost when I married Richard, we got it back tonight, you know it and I know it.” She leans in and kisses Cara on the lips, her tongue darting out, asking for access. Cara parts her lips and Kahlan’s tongue is caressing her’s, tasting every bit of her mouth. It’s been a long time since she’s kissed anyone like this, it’s been six years. “We’re both going to start living our lives, Cara, but tonight is ours. Tonight we’ll make love for old times sake, we’ll set right our old mistakes, even if it breaks our hearts all over again.”

Cara smiles the saddest of smiles and nods almost imperceptibly, “But only for old times sake, okay?” Cara is still laboring to hold back tears. “Like you said, even if we’re letting go, we can still be in love with each other. And besides, we’re going to wind up together anyhow because your heart said so, and the heart never lies, right?” Tears are rolling down her cheeks again, but Kahlan promptly kisses them away.

She pulls away enough to take Cara by the elbows, lifting them both off the sofa. She tucks a lock of hair behind Cara’s ear and kisses her on the cheek. Her hand is on the top button of Cara’s blouse but she hesitates, searching Cara’s eyes for permission. They tell her all she needs to know. Kahlan takes her time, she wants this moment to last, she wants to memorize every bit of Cara’s body, study it as if it holds a mystery that she will be the first to uncover. When Cara finally stands before her in the nude, Kahlan’s breath catches in her throat, “Spirits, you’re even more beautiful than I remembered.” She sighs more than speaks the words.

Then she starts to remove her own clothing as Cara looks on. She still remembers, how much Cara loves to watch her undress, the look of anticipation on her face, the way it drives her crazy when Kahlan turns her back to her just as her glorious breast are about to be released from their confines. She feels that familiar warmth building inside her when Cara grunts in frustration the instant Kahlan turns around, delaying Cara’s favorite part of the process. But on this night Cara won’t be denied. She spins Kahlan around in such a way that she stands facing her, a breast in each of her hands and a seductive smile on her face. She presses her palms against them and lets out a soft moan as she feels Kahlan’s nipples harden in her hands. Her lips move in an effort to form words but it’s impossible. She opts for open mouthed kisses and languorous licks on her aureoles and nipples instead. Cara nudges her down so that she’s sitting at the edge of the sofa and she parts Kahlan’s knees so that her glistening sex is exposed. Knowing all too well what stokes Cara’s desire, Kahlan reaches between her own legs and spreads herself open with her fingers. Cara growls at the sight of her and quickly covers Kahlan’s sex with her mouth, lapping up every drop of arousal as Kahlan whimpers and arches into her mouth.

“Not yet, love, tonight your mine and I intend to savor every moment.” Kahlan pants out between breaths. Still reveling in the heady taste of Kahlan on her tongue, Cara concedes. Kahlan shifts their positions so that her body covers Cara’s, pressing their mouths together and sucking on Cara’s tongue, tasting herself in every nook of Cara’s mouth. “Mm you’re going to fuck me with that delicious tongue before this night is over, Cara.” She hums into the shell of Cara’s ear. Then she’s working one of Cara’s nipples into a frenzy with her hand and the other with her mouth. Cara is already writhing beneath her when Kahlan presses her thigh between her legs, providing the friction she craves. Kahlan lets out a keening sound when she feels Cara’s arousal dripping down the sides of her thigh. “I’m the only one you can get this wet for, Cara,” pressing her thigh hard against Cara’s clit as she says it, “I’m letting you go but there are limits. This can only be for me.” She grinds hard into Cara’s clit one last time before pulling away. Cara groans at the loss; she’s already close, so close. Kahlan moves to a seated position and Cara quickly straddles her, sucking and licking at Kahlan’s lower lip. Kahlan tilts her pelvis just enough to be able to plunge three fingers knuckle deep into Cara’s center. She howls at the unexpected sensation but without missing a beat, she’s riding Kahlan’s fingers. Kahlan adjusts her thrusts to match the rhythm of Cara’s movements. And then she feels it, her favorite thing in the world, the sensation of Cara’s muscles contracting around her as she’s about to come undone. This is one of the things she’s missed the most. Kahlan crooks her fingers at the perfect angle and rubs hard at Cara’s clit with her other hand. “Come for me, Cara, come hard for me.” Her orgasm comes in violent spasms that Kahlan rides out with her, loving the feeling of Cara’s nails digging hard enough into her shoulders to break the skin. Kahlan wraps her arm around Cara’s waist to support her weight as her body crumbles against her. “That’s it, love, just let me hold you. I’ve got you, Cara. You’re exactly where you belong.”

She gently lowers Cara’s body so that she’s lying on her side and molds the front of her body to Cara’s back.

“I love you, Kahlan.” She mumbles, still trying to fully regain the capacity to speak.

“And I love you, Cara.” Kahlan replies, as she slides her middle finger up and down the length of her own folds, coating it with her arousal. She then glides the warm and wet digit over Cara’s lips. It’s always been Kahlan’s not so subtle way of telling her what she needs. Cara responds by licking it clean.

“Sit up for me, Kahlan.” She says in that raspy tone that makes Kahlan’s heart skip a beat. “Good girl,” Cara says, “I want you right on the edge, just like that.” She adds, guiding her with a hand on each of her hips as she kneels on the floor in front of her. Kahlan drapes her legs over her shoulders and Cara is instantly wet again. The sight of Kahlan’s swollen clit twitching with need, coupled with the scent of her arousal makes Cara consider that perhaps there is a Creator after all.

With that in mind, she dives in licking along the length of Kahlan sex, deciding that she’ll offer this act as worship to the Creator, whose existence she’s still dubious about. “Oh, yes. That’s so good,” Kahlan pants out between breaths, her hand resting firmly at the base of Cara’s skull. “Fuck me with your tongue, please, I need you inside me.” Cara complies immediately. Kahlan tugs and pinches at one of her own nipples with one hand and rubs furiously at her clit with the other. “I’m so close. More I need a bit more.” With her tongue still inside Kahlan, she grabs each of her ass cheeks and pulls her up so her face is buried in Kahlan sex. She comes grinding herself into Cara’s face and crying out her name. Kahlan collapses onto the sofa with Cara still laying between her legs, gently licking her clean. After inspecting her work, she finishes by placing a delicate kiss on her clit.

“Kahlan,” she says after almost an hour of silence.

“Mm?” Is the best Kahlan can manage by way of response.

“Had you told me letting you go involved you fucking me senseless and coming in my mouth I would have done it years ago.”

Kahlan giggles. “I love you, Cara.” She says, craning up her neck to look at her.

“Kahlan?”

“Mm?”

“Can I let you go again tomorrow? And maybe the day after that too?”

Kahlan thinks for a moment before answering, “Well, I suppose letting go is a process.”

“I think it’s going to be a very long process, Kahlan.”

“I really do love you, Cara.”


End file.
